How Come I Miss All The good Stuff?

 

 

I never get to see the naked people when they get apprehended by law enforcement, I'm never around when anyone streaks, the People of Walmart are always clothed whenever I shop there, and I've never been on hand at Kohl's to watch someone bare from the waist up chase a peeping tom with a cell phone after catching him taking pictures of her from under the fitting room door. Most of my shopping trips are boring.

Judging from this guy's booking photo, if that is, indeed, his booking photo, he really isn't very sorry for what he did. Rather than entertaining him further by giving chase, the victim should have just stomped on the cell phone. If anyone threatened to charge her with destruction of property, she could have claimed it was an accident, and asked why a man's cell phone was in the womens' fitting rooms. Any pictures he took would still be in the hard drive of the camera, and in order to prove it was broken, he would have to allow law enforcement or a technician to examine the cell phone. Then, the answer to how it got into the fitting room would be very clear. But seriously, how come I'm never around to see this kind of stuff when it happens?


In other news, there was a man stealing outdoor holiday decorations from lawns and porches in Topeka this morning. According to eyewitnesses, he was dressed in pink leopard pajamas. This type of confusion and poor taste in fashion presents law enforcement and homeowners with a very difficult choice: does one shoot such a poorly dressed thief with a taser, an automatic weapon, or a camera? Does one refer to the "stand your ground" claus of the law, or does one insist that the perpetrator go home and change? Perhaps this is a matter for the Fashion Police. If he gets caught, he may get to wear orange, instead, for awhile.