How Come I Miss All The good Stuff?

 

 

I never get to see the naked people when they get apprehended by law enforcement, I'm never around when anyone streaks, the People of Walmart are always clothed whenever I shop there, and I've never been on hand at Kohl's to watch someone bare from the waist up chase a peeping tom with a cell phone after catching him taking pictures of her from under the fitting room door. Most of my shopping trips are boring.

Judging from this guy's booking photo, if that is, indeed, his booking photo, he really isn't very sorry for what he did. Rather than entertaining him further by giving chase, the victim should have just stomped on the cell phone. If anyone threatened to charge her with destruction of property, she could have claimed it was an accident, and asked why a man's cell phone was in the womens' fitting rooms. Any pictures he took would still be in the hard drive of the camera, and in order to prove it was broken, he would have to allow law enforcement or a technician to examine the cell phone. Then, the answer to how it got into the fitting room would be very clear. But seriously, how come I'm never around to see this kind of stuff when it happens?


In other news, there was a man stealing outdoor holiday decorations from lawns and porches in Topeka this morning. According to eyewitnesses, he was dressed in pink leopard pajamas. This type of confusion and poor taste in fashion presents law enforcement and homeowners with a very difficult choice: does one shoot such a poorly dressed thief with a taser, an automatic weapon, or a camera? Does one refer to the "stand your ground" claus of the law, or does one insist that the perpetrator go home and change? Perhaps this is a matter for the Fashion Police. If he gets caught, he may get to wear orange, instead, for awhile.

 

Do Racoons Have Opposeable Thumbs?

The latest questions for Siri have certainly been interesting. I still get a steady amount of "Siri demonic", Siri Satan", and "Siri 666", but for a change of pace, Siri was asked, "How tall is Rick Santorum?" The answer is 6' 4". Also, among the Siri searches was a request to see Siri naked! Hahaha! There will be no pics of Siriunsun naked, because the picture on the right is the closest to adult content I am willing to publish! Asking for naked pictures.....geesh! Where do some people think they are? Walmart? There was also a query of, "Siri, do racoons have opposeable thumbs?" The answer is no. They do not. But they are very able to manipulate locking mechanisms, and in studies done with racoons in captivity, have been shown to be able to remember how to spring different locks three years after only doing it once! That's pretty impressive. They can also open doors with their paws, turn on water with their paws, and use their paws to pour cereal out of boxes while you are at work. They never remember to turn the water off after they have turned it on, though.

How Come No One's Ever Naked In Walmart When I'm There?

More "People of Walmart"! A Pennsylvania man just got arrested for stripping off his clothes and calmly walking right into a Walmart, stealing a pair of socks, and refusing to listen to police when they attempted to dissuede him from shopping nude. Here it is:

He's being held now on a $50,000 bond. For stealing socks and being naked.