Naked People In The News

Damn! How come these things never happen when I'm around? Summer is so much fun!

In Case You Slept Through Church This Sunday

If you slept through church on Sunday, you probably were not in Vatican City, where a topless woman recently kidnapped Baby Jesus from the manger at the nativity and got hauled away by a cop. The cop did not shoot her, by the way. 

How come no one ever gets naked and steals Baby Jesus out of a manger when I'm around? I could use the entertainment!

Naked Man In Topeka Raises Issue

Only in Kansas. Seriously....in Topeka, there happens to be no law against public nudity. This means that in addition to the antics of Westboro Baptist Church, there are also people who occasionally go about without clothing. And WIBW interviewed a naked person named Jerry Beyer, who is featured in the video above. One must wonder if WIBW truly needed to use the vernacular "raised the issue" in the introduction of the subject, and a reader commented that this particular naked person likely is without enough in the way of productive pursuits in life, such as employment. Indeed, for employment , Jerry Beyer would require an appropriate wardrobe, as most employers have dress codes that at the very least, involve clothing. Kansas.

Picture courtesy of WIBW

Naked Woman Ransacks MacDonalds

A naked woman got mad and ransacked a MacDonald's in Florida. Well.....almost naked. Someone called the cops, and they came in and watched, allowing the woman to throw cash registers and ice cream machines around the restaurant until she ran out of energy. These cops were male, by the way. Now we know how to keep the swat team at a safe distance: be a naked woman!

How come no one ever does anything like that when I'm around?

In Case You Missed Church On Sunday

I saw this on Facebook the other day, and realized that it has been altogether too long since I have poked fun at Jehovah's Witnesses here in Siri's World! Of course, had I never met a Jehovah's Witness in the first place; specifically, at my door in unsuccessful and annoying attempts to convert me to pathetic pretenses of being someone I am not, I would not poke fun at them.

 

Speaking of doors, the husband of a friend of mine solved all of his Jehovah's Witness problems simply by answering the door naked when they rang the doorbell!

 

 

Do Racoons Have Opposeable Thumbs?

The latest questions for Siri have certainly been interesting. I still get a steady amount of "Siri demonic", Siri Satan", and "Siri 666", but for a change of pace, Siri was asked, "How tall is Rick Santorum?" The answer is 6' 4". Also, among the Siri searches was a request to see Siri naked! Hahaha! There will be no pics of Siriunsun naked, because the picture on the right is the closest to adult content I am willing to publish! Asking for naked pictures.....geesh! Where do some people think they are? Walmart? There was also a query of, "Siri, do racoons have opposeable thumbs?" The answer is no. They do not. But they are very able to manipulate locking mechanisms, and in studies done with racoons in captivity, have been shown to be able to remember how to spring different locks three years after only doing it once! That's pretty impressive. They can also open doors with their paws, turn on water with their paws, and use their paws to pour cereal out of boxes while you are at work. They never remember to turn the water off after they have turned it on, though.