Pat Robertson Has The Answers

Once again, televangelist Pat Roberts has weighed in with the answers. This time, he wants everyone to know that the shooting in Las Vegas that happened over the weekend is the fault of individuals who do not respect our money laundering, mob enabling, pussy grabbing excuse for a president. That seems a bit odd, since pussy grabbing was one of the alleged reasons that the alleged biblical God destroyed the alleged ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. But who know? Maybe God has changed his mind about sexual misconduct over the years.

In 2010, Pat Robertson attributed a deadly earthquake in Haiti to a 200 year old pact with "the devil". In 2009, he warned the Christian community in America that Witches volunteer in candy factories to coax "demons" into Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters. Seriously; between Donald Trump, who professes to be a strong Christian, and Pat Robertson, why would anyone actually take that religion seriously, at this point in history, here in America?

In Case Anyone Missed Church Yesterday

Ok..........I know Pat Robertson emitted this bit of nonsense several years ago, but it hasn't stopped making me convulse with laughter. He actually got on the air to say that candy factories hire Witches right before they ship their Halloween candy to stores to........get this........coax demons into the candy to inhabit the souls and bodies of those who eat the candy! No kidding.......I have nothing better to do all day, than sit and coax evil spirits into pieces of candy to be eaten by unsuspecting hungry people, all just to make the world a better place! Where's the eye-rolley when I need it?!

Pat Robertson and Company also warn against "sex with demons" on Halloween night! But I can't help but notice, after the trouble Bishop Robert Finn, of Kansas City, Mo. has gotton into of late, that there are no injunctions among Christians to avoid having sex with people who are underage! I guess if they break out in  rashes of search warrents and confiscated computers, their lawyers can cope; but if they break out in rashes of "demonic herpes", they won't be able to find a doctor who can cure them!

Well....I am in a bit of a rush. I must be getting to the candy factory, where I consult as a freelance demon invitational expert, to coax these eager spirits into this year's Halloween candy!