Pat Robertson Has The Answers

Once again, televangelist Pat Roberts has weighed in with the answers. This time, he wants everyone to know that the shooting in Las Vegas that happened over the weekend is the fault of individuals who do not respect our money laundering, mob enabling, pussy grabbing excuse for a president. That seems a bit odd, since pussy grabbing was one of the alleged reasons that the alleged biblical God destroyed the alleged ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. But who know? Maybe God has changed his mind about sexual misconduct over the years.

In 2010, Pat Robertson attributed a deadly earthquake in Haiti to a 200 year old pact with "the devil". In 2009, he warned the Christian community in America that Witches volunteer in candy factories to coax "demons" into Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters. Seriously; between Donald Trump, who professes to be a strong Christian, and Pat Robertson, why would anyone actually take that religion seriously, at this point in history, here in America?

In Case You Ditched Church This Sunday

Hate speech for Jesus, a`la Pat Robertson!

Gays Always Want Cakes Baked For Them

Pat Robertson has spoken....yet again! He, once again, has found a new way to twist the words of the Constitution and the doctrines of the Christian religion to fit a new and deranged formula only beknown to his own subconscious. Gay men and women are now terrorists if they order cakes for their weddings and other special occasions......Only white, christian heterosexual types can enter bakeries or visit caterers and have events planned and catered! If anyone else does this, it's clearly a sign of terrorism.......(eye-rolley here)

Reverend Robertson has his panties in a bunch because the Kansas senate refused to pass House Bill 2453 earlier this year.The bill would have allowed any business or government agency, including but not limited to public schools and hospitals, to refuse service to anyone whose demeanor, jewelry, tattoos, skin color, accent, or surname posed a "religious conflict" for the employee or gatekeeper providing customer service. The reason it did not pass the senate, besides it's insane content and stupid language, is that such a bill, were it to become law, is at obvious cross purposes with the Constitution and federal law. It seems Robertson is disappointed that members of the senate were uninterested in fighting terrorism by instigating bigotry and unlawful discrimination. How the pastor links ordering a cake from a bakery to terrorism is still a mystery, though.

If all those terrorists, regardless of sexual preference, only want cakes baked for them, the solution seems simple enough; just give Betty Crocker a call.

Pat Robertson And The Magic Rings

Just when I think I've actually heard the most insane moronic dumbassery possible from a fundamentalist right wing stupid Christian, Pat Robertson decides to go ahead and outdo himself. Now he appears certain that HIV is spread from had to hand contact, involving, of course, members of the Gay Community. As if that is not incorrect enough, Reverend Robertson has dutifully warned his flock that people infected with HIV often have secret, magic rings which spread the virus when they shake hands with uninfected people! Seriously, does he make this stuff up on the fly, or does he have a special, Christian writer who comes up with the verbal flatulence he utters on the air? Pat neglected to tell us where to buy a magic ring, or how to report the use of magic rings to law enforcement. He also failed to brainstorm about creative uses of "germ warfare" jewelry, and praise the creativity of such an innovation! Seriously; where's the eye-rolley when I need it?

Inquiring minds might also want to know, exactly, how Reverend Pat Robertson knows about secret magic rings worn by Gay men, and why he seems so able to identify such jewelry. How many hands could Pat have possibly shaken?

 

Note: the above video was pulled by the 700 Club. Someone had gotten the code before that happened!

Update: The video got yanked again, most likely due to sore fundies! Had to grab the code again. Sorry for any inconveniences. Nothing more amusing than a comedian who has been mistaken for a religious teacher!

 

 

Pat Robertson Thinks Adultery By A Republican Is Not Sin

How very interesting. Pat Robertson's reaction to the discovery by the media of the affair General Petreaus has been having with Paula Broadwell was basically that "no one is perfect", and it's almost okay with God. That isn't the position he took on Bill clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky. But then, General Petreaus is republican, and Bill Clinton is Democrat. So it is not a problem if someone who is in the white, conservative, little christian club does something that isn't right, but it is a problem if someone whom the little christians do not like does something that isn't right. We've all seen this before folks. Christianity, functioning at it's best. Only the veil is wearing thin, as many Americans are beginning to see through all this nonsense.

The deal is this: an affair had by someone with an important job generally does not affect the ability of the person to do that job, if the person was qualified and committed in the first place. The only person who should have had a problem with Bill Clinton over Monica Lewinsky is Hilary Clinton. It was no one else's business. And it was not President Clinton's job to "set an example" for anyone. It was his job to run the country, and he did a good job of it. General Petreaus, on the other hand, allowed classified documents to become compromised, as a large number of classified files were found in his mistress's home. While she does, or did, as the case may be, possess a security clearance, her clearance was to do her OWN job, not to snoop at information related to Petreaus's job. THAT'S a problem. And Pat Robertson is also mistaken about the idea that gender would give a person a reason to defy a vow and a committment, such as marriage. Both parties in a marriage should rightly trust one another, and respect is a two way street.

Pat Robertson Wants Pot Legalized?

Either the earth has completed it's feared polar shift, and we are all on a different dimension, in a parallel reality, or hell has officially frozen over. Pat Robertson, of the 700 Club, that very Christian, fundamentalist bunch of right wing people who never cease to amaze yours truly with their unrealistic "rightwingness", has declared that he thinks marijuana should be legalized and treated the same way our population treats alcohol!


I never thought the day would come when yours truly would actually agree with something said by Pat Robertson, who thinks there are demons in Halloween candy and that the earthquake in Haiti in 2010 was caused by a pact with "Satan" made three hundred years ago. Usually, when I hear about him, I just think of every born again nut who has tried to tell me that the master puppet hates me and that I won't be in heaven and laugh. But this time, I have to wonder why all the other fundies aren't listening to him. He's making sense! (I still don't understand how that's possible) Here's more.

And here's a quote from CBS:
"I just think it's shocking how many of these young people wind up in prison and they get turned into hardcore criminals because they had a possession of a very small amount of a controlled substance," Robertson said on his show March 1. "The whole thing is crazy. We've said, `Well, we're conservatives, we're tough on crime.' That's baloney."

And another:
 "If people can go into a liquor store and buy a bottle of alcohol and drink it at home legally, then why do we say that the use of this other substance is somehow criminal?"

And one more:
"Defenders of marijuana prohibition... must be wondering if it's only a matter of time before theirs proves to be a lost cause."

Whoa! Either Pat Robertson got hold of the wrong page of the calendar, and thought it was April Fools Day, or the whole Christian population in America has been on the bandwagon with something that is very political and not at all spiritual or moral since 1937.

In Case Anyone Missed Church Yesterday

Ok..........I know Pat Robertson emitted this bit of nonsense several years ago, but it hasn't stopped making me convulse with laughter. He actually got on the air to say that candy factories hire Witches right before they ship their Halloween candy to stores to........get this........coax demons into the candy to inhabit the souls and bodies of those who eat the candy! No kidding.......I have nothing better to do all day, than sit and coax evil spirits into pieces of candy to be eaten by unsuspecting hungry people, all just to make the world a better place! Where's the eye-rolley when I need it?!

Pat Robertson and Company also warn against "sex with demons" on Halloween night! But I can't help but notice, after the trouble Bishop Robert Finn, of Kansas City, Mo. has gotton into of late, that there are no injunctions among Christians to avoid having sex with people who are underage! I guess if they break out in  rashes of search warrents and confiscated computers, their lawyers can cope; but if they break out in rashes of "demonic herpes", they won't be able to find a doctor who can cure them!

Well....I am in a bit of a rush. I must be getting to the candy factory, where I consult as a freelance demon invitational expert, to coax these eager spirits into this year's Halloween candy!

Sunday Sermon Time

It's Sunday; time for a sermon, everyone! He's possessed!